J

So I keep coming across these questions between myself and that other person in your head people call the "conscious."
These Questions always seems to be tabled for another discussion and held off until next meeting and always Left as old business.

The questions that seem to always come to mind is who am I?
Where am I going with this?
What am I doing with my life?
Why do I such dumb things?

I have come to the Answer of the question who. Who am I?
I am the guy who brings smiles to people's faces. The guy who is always wanted around.
I am the guy who says outlandish things and gets away with it.
I am the guy ladies can't help but to adore and guys can't help but hate to be around. I am a lost cause on a road to lead to uncertainty.
A man with no plan, no map, no compass, giving the finger to the road less traveled and swinging through vines and trees to find my own groove to the beat.
I am the guy who when out of sight is usually out of mind. A guy adored by many, liked by many more but only truly loved by a handful.
I'm the guy who you think is the perfect guy but really messed up and aspire to be half the man people think I am.
I am the healer during time of need and fade into the distance to figure out how to heal myself once your wing has mended.
I am the guy with the other perspective on life but couldn't tell you why he can't stop himself from doing illogical things.

The other Questions?
Easy...
What am I doing with my life? No clue, riding the waves until I'm brought to a shore that feels right.
Where am I going with this? Just feeling out the rhythms that come from my heart and catch the beat to the right path.
Why do I do such dumb things? Because learning not to repeat them is the purpose of the action to begin with.

I think it all fits into place.
There is no complicated answer to me. I am what you see.
No mysteries and clouded mirrors. I am what I am.
All who I can Be.



J.

-The Boy wonder Signing Off

A random dream of an old Young Man...

Day after day, night after crisp cold night
I stare out my window wondering what's outside.
What can be waiting for me so it can happen
What can I do to make this world a better place.
Pondering of these thoughts birth ideas and dreams...

Ideas and dreams that if it were to come alive and let all the hope buried deep inside trying to release itself and make my world a brighter day.
I end up at a desk trying to draw or write a way.
Trying to make a path to this feeling deep inside and I sit and stare at the red ink on the paper
but its not... Its the blood from my hand because I'm holding onto then pen so tight
hoping that if I keep writing and drawing my dreams will come alive and won't have to worry about what I feel inside.
Cuz by then I would understand that what I dream can come to life If I just believe...

The balance of my unbalanced life

Over the last few weeks many new thoughts have run through my mind. Thoughts of lust, love, affection, emotions and situations in which surround me.

I find myself feeling very close to many people. People at times I think want to throw me off a building but still we stand beside me through my lowest times. People I genuinely love. There are some people I have come across that I would lay some good sex down on but choose not to because it is not within my nature to just run through people's lives in order to get my nut.

The list

I have these people who I find in my life make it all better:


-The Arc Angel Gabriel

I have my arc angel Gabriel who is there for me when I do the dumbest things and the brightest.
My Gabriel Watches over me with a silent eye and whispers word of guidance to keep me straight


- Harley Quinn

Harley is the Girl in my life who no matter how much she gets on your nerves, you can't help but keep close by your side. She does tricks, stunts and back flips just to keep a smile on my face. She is a woman that I would go to the end of the universe and back for just to keep her close.

-Black Canary

A lady who is vocal about EVERYTHING I do. She is the sweetest thing in the world to me. A true ride or die Woman. She would fight the demons of Hell if it meant spending 30 seconds in my arms.
I would fight the Devil himself in order to keep her from pain.
She would come my defence and take care of anyone who means harm against me.

-My Taino Woman

A Truly tough Gale who takes crap from no one, but is weakened by my honesty and compassion.
If it meant telling me or Saint Peter at the gate she would ask to talk to me. I don't quite know why.
I feel she could be a woman to set me straight with a smack and make it up with a kiss.
Even though she probably would never openly admit it.


- The Twins

Although I have just met them I see it becoming the beginning of a beautiful bond. They piss me the hell off but I don't think there is anything within reason that I wouldn't do for them.
For some reason they look up to me and I feel obligated to be there for them.
They remind me of myself for some reason. They have there ups and downs but I can tell they will stick it out in the end

With all of these people in my life I find I have the these ghosts. Ghosts that haunt me and follow me where ever I go.
They leave clues and reminders of their existence. Just when I forget about them they make sure to dig deep and remind of what came of them.
Ghosts that won't go away. I try to ignore them in hopes that if I do it long enough they will disappear.
In the end its clear though that with out those ghosts my life would be an uneven balance and all the good I bad would not truly appreciated if my ghosts were not there...

So I wear my heart on my sleeve wit an iron-clad box around in order to be me. I am a person who is self protected but a free spirit.
Thoughts from trivial people are meaningless to me. Now I must stop judging myself in order to make life more then just content, in order to make me happy...


-Boy wonder Signing off