I look at myself in the mirror every morning and ask myself who am I? What is my purpose on this Earth? Why am I loved by so many and hated by even more? People go there whoole lives searching for that one thing that makes them happy. I have things that make me happy I just don't understand why. My arrogance can be over whelming at times, even for me. I find myself being very self centered. I step back and look at my self from an outside perspective and still see an incomplete man. No matter how I try to see it, I cant see what everyone else sees. Photo after photo, video after video, story after story I find myself getting an image of a person I don't know.
As I look back on the last few months, i find myself stratched thin... I find i try to make every one happy in hopes of everything one day working itself out, but it seems my determination to do womething good is dragging me deeper and deeper into a hole. A very close person made a metaphor about Getting switzedrland to go to war with you knowing it is and always will be a neutral country. This is how it feels. Better words were never spoken. No matter how hard I try to make everyone happy, the more and more aggitated everyone gets because they dont have my complete attention. So now I have tried to juggle being almost everywhere at one and still no matter how hard i try, its never enough.
When I just spend time with someone who truely is fun to be around people start to complain that I am never around anymore and my pressence is then requested. So I agree to keep the peacebut then all I hear is complaints. So what to do??? Should I just hide under a set of stairs and do my own thing until everyone forgets I was ever there??? will that ever be an option??? Will I ever be able like Ne-yo and fade into the Background??? What to do??? I have accepted that I am the one who has the power to bring people together and even under arguements. So why can't I have the power to make sure everyone is satisfied???
Trying to be everything everyone else wants me to be, but at the end of the day....
Im Only One Man
Boy Wonder Singing off...
Friday, July 24, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
lyfe
oh what to do, what to do. sometimes I sit and wonder about the things I put myself through and just wonder why I do it. I mean people constantly ask me why i don't chase girls or why am I still single or why am I like other guys. All of this is for the same reason. It's just not me. I do things my way and thats how it is. Chasing girls is something arrogant guys do, guys who treat feamles like property. Acting like dogs marking their territory even though they really can't claim it as their own because it's not really theirs. I am single because the females who want me are too young for my taste and the females I want let the idea of my age get in the way of everything. I am not like other guys because i understand the mind of a female. I know the ineer workings that make them know what they want and what they dont want. i know how to get them to make a choice between doing what their head says and their heart. I know how to warm the heart and have it to a point where it is willing to open up to let me in.
After all of this why am I the way I am. My past, the past of my loved ones and the repeating history of minorities makes me the way I am. I refuse to continue the abusive cycle of being an asshole and having girls chase me because of it. If females won't realize that guys like that aren't good for them, well I shall stay silent and wait until they run to me for comfort. When they sdo I shall be there but when they see who iI am then i shall respectfully bow away and leave them to ponder on what they just miss.
I have been told constantly I am too nice. The thing people don't realize is not that I am too nice, it is the fact that guys in general are too much of assholes and that is the norm that is expected. I you knew me though u would know I am not the norm. I laugh at the norm and walk down my own path. I do not follow the road less travelled. That would mean that i would have to follow the steps of others. I would rather do it myself and make it to my destination in my own way.
To my beautiful and lovely belle. I know I am an idiot for not just listening to you but I am who I am. Would love me if i wasn't. better yet would you love me any other way? i have watched you and i realize that around me your thought process stops and you just stall. You are caught by how I act. I feel that you are attracted to me because of this. You find it a great new breeze of fresh air. when i look at you I see something I haven't seen i n a long while. I just don't want you to point your attention to me because of it. Don't get me wrong I love that you do it, but I want you to do it because you are sure that is what makes you happy. Every time i turn around another guy chases you but you still at the end of the day run to me. This blows my mind because I always wait and watch, I look for the next guy in your life that im going to have to put into place because you will run to me crying about his idiot moves. It never happens though because you are always by my side, always holding on to me. I love it. I just feel you keep yourself at a distance though because you are scared of what is to come if you actually give in. I have told you this and always will tell you this, no matter what you will always have me here for that. no matter the choices you make.
Lyfe is what you make it. So as I think of myne I realize I have nothing to regret. Although I didn't have a freshmen year and I shall probably won't remember the rest of my College Lyfe I look foward to the Great Mis-adventures of the Greek Family
-The Boy Wonder
After all of this why am I the way I am. My past, the past of my loved ones and the repeating history of minorities makes me the way I am. I refuse to continue the abusive cycle of being an asshole and having girls chase me because of it. If females won't realize that guys like that aren't good for them, well I shall stay silent and wait until they run to me for comfort. When they sdo I shall be there but when they see who iI am then i shall respectfully bow away and leave them to ponder on what they just miss.
I have been told constantly I am too nice. The thing people don't realize is not that I am too nice, it is the fact that guys in general are too much of assholes and that is the norm that is expected. I you knew me though u would know I am not the norm. I laugh at the norm and walk down my own path. I do not follow the road less travelled. That would mean that i would have to follow the steps of others. I would rather do it myself and make it to my destination in my own way.
To my beautiful and lovely belle. I know I am an idiot for not just listening to you but I am who I am. Would love me if i wasn't. better yet would you love me any other way? i have watched you and i realize that around me your thought process stops and you just stall. You are caught by how I act. I feel that you are attracted to me because of this. You find it a great new breeze of fresh air. when i look at you I see something I haven't seen i n a long while. I just don't want you to point your attention to me because of it. Don't get me wrong I love that you do it, but I want you to do it because you are sure that is what makes you happy. Every time i turn around another guy chases you but you still at the end of the day run to me. This blows my mind because I always wait and watch, I look for the next guy in your life that im going to have to put into place because you will run to me crying about his idiot moves. It never happens though because you are always by my side, always holding on to me. I love it. I just feel you keep yourself at a distance though because you are scared of what is to come if you actually give in. I have told you this and always will tell you this, no matter what you will always have me here for that. no matter the choices you make.
Lyfe is what you make it. So as I think of myne I realize I have nothing to regret. Although I didn't have a freshmen year and I shall probably won't remember the rest of my College Lyfe I look foward to the Great Mis-adventures of the Greek Family
-The Boy Wonder
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